My son is in college now, living the city life he’s always wanted.
As a parent, you prepare for this moment for years, but the adjustment is still profound. He’s navigating new classes, managing his grades, and building his own life.
For me, the biggest challenge hasn’t been missing him. It’s been learning to stop trying to fix everything for him.
Table of Contents
The Instinct
As parents, we have this deep-seated instinct to solve our kids’ problems. When he calls and tells me about a bump in the road, whether it’s a tough class or a logistical challenge, my first thought is always to jump in and give him the answer. I catch myself wanting to fix it, to smooth the path for him like I’ve always done.
But he’s an adult now. My job isn’t to solve his problems anymore. It’s something different, and it has been my own personal work to figure out what that new role actually is.
Safe Space
I’ve learned that my role now is to create a space where he can talk through things. It’s about listening, not directing. I have to let him figure it out on his own while also letting him know that he is loved and supported no matter what.
This shift is about giving him the tools and the confidence to become an adult, then trusting that he can. I have to remind myself that the things that feel so big and overwhelming to him right now are temporary. He will work through them, and he’ll be stronger for it. Our relationship is evolving, and my parenting has to evolve with it.
New Kind of Connection
This new chapter brings its own excitement. He’s about to get on a plane by himself and fly up to New York to meet me for his birthday. It’s a small thing, but it feels like a milestone. He’s taking charge of his own journey, making his own decisions, and growing into the person he’s meant to be.
My adjustment has been about letting him be the one to figure things out. It’s a process of letting go, but in doing so, you build a new kind of connection. One based on mutual respect and trust rather than dependence.
Conclusion
Seeing your child transition into adulthood is one of the most significant adjustments a parent makes. The hardest part for me has been fighting the urge to solve his problems and instead learning to be a sounding board. It’s about empowering him to find his own solutions while knowing he has a safety net if he needs it.
It’s not always easy to step back, but it’s the only way for him to truly discover the world on his own. In letting go, I’m not losing a son. I’m gaining a relationship with a capable and independent adult, and that’s an incredible thing to watch.
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